How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
