i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
and you fell through a lawn chair
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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