I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
