Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
