broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
