sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
