Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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