Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
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