You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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