I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
