I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A bitchslap is in order.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
