I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
