Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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