i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
