So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
