ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
