I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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