u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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