I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
