Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
