So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
