Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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