New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
