do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
