Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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