im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We have so much sex to catch up on
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
