No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
