R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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