Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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