I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
