this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we're so committed to being not committed
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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