Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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