It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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