So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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