you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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