I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
