the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
