Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
