sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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