I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the raccoons are back...
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