i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
