im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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