either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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