Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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