i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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