sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
