is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
