Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
