I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
