Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
