When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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