Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
