I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
