Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
