i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We are two peas in an std pod
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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