Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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