her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
