my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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