So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
